another day passes

got an awesome wake up call from the hubby... but then the phone died or cut out so we never said talk to u later (never good bye)... after that monkey and i had breakfast and just hung out... i have been completely exhausted and not sure why... but i think its the time change, the random hours the monkey wakes up (12-4am), money stress (waiting on if the military will pay us or not)... not that the deployment makes life any easier... also feeling depressed and thinking moving in with my parents was a mistake for monkey and i, not that staying in hawaii was an option but the fighting and inconsideration of my parents is not helping... i just wait to disappear if i didnt have my daughter i dont think i would make it i think i would honestly crash my car into a tree.. all those old feelings of depression and suicide have come back and seem to get worse everyday... i just need me and i dont think i will ever find it i have lost myself forever, to the army life, my child, and my spouse... guess its just something i will have to get use to it......... oh well