beaten up and broken

so supposely the blackout is lifted but why would my husband call and say the 3 easiest words in english that after this weekend i needed most!?!??!
how do i know well cause a "friend" messaged me and was like my husband called but he used someone cells and snuck to call there is still a blackout... thanks thats what i need to hear.. but dont worry all the guys are back and urs is ok well he is not ok till i hear him say it sorry but that is just how i feel... so as i sit here and wait she continues to tell me things that her husband told her like how he is afraid but wont say it to anyone cause he doesnt wanna look like a sissy... he also told her exactly what happened to a guy who got killed! like seriously why would you tell your wife that i dont care how supportive she is it is so not right! suposely her husband played dead next to a dead guy for 4 hours while waiting since they were going to help other injured soldiers! ya so i just kinda didnt know what to say except that she needs to tell someone and he needs to come home and get help!

so now i just sit here and wait thinking why did she tell me everything she heard!? do i seem like someone who wants to hear that? or does she want me to say something to someone so he will get help?? i have some friends (not in the company but army wives0 tell me i should say something but as far as i know i am the only one she told and i dont want her to think she cant trust me! ugh

so i guess i will wait i have a friend who is not deployed who i am gonna send the message to and he is gonna tell me to either call someone or not and then i will also wait for chris... with the time difference it just doesnt matter

and to top this week off my jaw is fucking killing me worse then anything and i am not seeing my chiropractor for 2 weeks cause of the 4th...so i cant really talk or anything :(

breaking point

everyone has their beaking point and this weekend i reached mine, actually today i reached mine... after the first issue with the frg and trying to talk to them (useless) then talking with the frsa that got resolved or so i thought... funny thing everythign i said was an issue has now by changed... then today i broke... after hearing yesterday from one wife what happened over there, reading peoples fb status and comments, then having the frg leader call me today saying well we first had to talk to all the wives on island you guys off are second comings! seriously if i could choke u i would! then i had a chat with the CO!! ugh he just let me explode and all it did was make me more mad... askign me what should i do about it then say well i think everything is going very well! i freaked and said i would like your bosses name and number! so finally talked to the major and he seemed a little more understanding and wanting things to be better unless he was just blowing smoke up my ass.. fingers crossed thats not the case...

so now i am at the point where i just over the unit, deployment, and just happy i am not in hawaii cause if i was rear de would have probably been destroyed! ugh can we have it be next yea already and we go to special forces training i know it wont be perfect but atleast i wont have to be dealing with 1000 wives who all need to just be for each other and not thinking they are better cause of the order of info was handed

ugh just want the blackout lifted :(

make that 14

ya terrible i know... figures i check the page and another gets added... and this one was our company... i feel terrible but the way i found out was even worse!

so there is a blackout obviously... a few guys somehow got on their fbs and posted i am ok just got some new bling and other stuff to that nature... so i knew there was atleast one... then the rear de called the frg leaders (idiots) into his office and told them we have a death, so they went to an frg function and told wives who then preceeded to call wives not there! me being a wife not there go tthis call...

so today i get a call from the frg leader who knew i was extremely annoyed... i told her it is inappriopate for you to be calling me with a list and i will be calling the CO... yes i realized someone died and my husband is okay but this is completely wrong! jmo

anyways i called the CO and put it out there that the protocal cant keep changing it should be the same every incident! and that soldiers posting shit i knew soemthing happened... so he was useless so i asked fo his bosses name and number

called the major! yup and he listen to me and was less of an ass (imo) when it came to what i felt like he shoudl do... honestly we have two frg leaders who dont belong there they need to go! and the protocol should be the same and everyone should know it! also news of a death or injury should not be given at a function when you know people will get phone calls who are not there! i also mentioned how i have new wives to the amy call me before the frg and that shouldnt happen i dont mind helping with what i can but it should be the frg not someone miles away! he agreed and said he was gonna have a meeting to go over these issues... hahah bye dumbass people (hopefully)

now lets hope the hubby doesnt kill me for swearing at the major and mentioning my miscariage, not sure why i did but i told him and he asked if i had a support system and i said a much better one then i would have had in hawaii! friends, family, and close army wives that i was with during my first deployment... i think i just added more stress in his day but not my problem i am getting a stress migrane from this unit, which i said over and over i hate this unit and cant wait to go sf!

ugh lets hope speaking up gets change! and my husband doesnt kill me

June 22, 2011

So today i missed a call from the hubby and since he is out doing his job who knows when i will hear from him... i didnt think he was gonna call cause he said he would be out of touch so if i didnt hear from him on thursday i figured it would be when he got back :( should learn to keep the phone with me at all times no matter what!!

so for some reason i decided to look at the battlions website of fallen heroes... actually i know why there was a debate on the group fb page about some stupid wife seeing it on the news before an email was sent out... well his family was notified and the soldier was not part of our group but unit? i dont know the right terms but i get why we didnt get an email, seriously if we got an email about every injury or death there would be one probably every day rather then once a week! sadly!! i am happy this is not the case there is enough emails i get on a daily base...

so back to the fallen soldiers, our guys have been gone ALMOST 3 months (key word almost)) and we have had 13 deaths one being a medic! i just am so shocked and kinda scarried this deployment is tough besides not having a great group of women i had the first deployment there is just alot of oh my god moments with our guys and stupid wives who this is their fist deployment and every news article or report they jump on!!

honestly i just want my husband home safe!! so if you are the praying type keep them in your prays, all these families going through a deployment right now no matter where they are iraq, afghanistan, africa, whereever doesnt matter being away from your family sucks and the phone calls here and there on news is hard...

ugh well dinner time gotta figure something out since i dont think the chicken is thawed and my dad is not here...

been a bit

its been a few days since i written and before that much longer... nothing really exciting going on... kidville ends next monday for the monkey :( she has started to really love it there but we head out on our road trip to see family and friends end of july thru august... still have heard nothing from the job at the hotel maybe i will call tomorrow?? i guess i am just afraid if i get it i will miss so much of my monkey's life... i dont know but it would be nice to have extra money and bills aid off quicker!! and in the end thats the goal right?

hubby and i are doing okay... we talk when we can... he loved the pinata i sent him :) i forgot to ask him how he liked the foot and hand prints? well hopefully he will call tomorrow so we can talk before he cant talk for a few days...

b12 has been helping with the exhaustion and so has the ensure but i dont like vaniella and now after i told my mom she can drink them she mentioned that was all my nana had before she pasted away, cause thats what i wanted to think about- thanks mom!

still unsure what i will be doing for monkeys birthday maybe elmo or agent oso?? nothing big just family and some friends and then we head to see the hubbys family so maybe another party there... i am praying we dont end up with a ton of toys! her box is filled and one bedroom with the two of us is just not big enough!! but i guess we will see...

well gotta figure out dinner (most likely left overs) so i will write more at another time... stay safe babe we love and miss you, you are our hero!

today is not my day :(

so last nite it took almost 2 hours to get my monkey to bed! seriously i was going insane!! finally got her to go down then she started crying in her sleep at 1am! she has been doing this the past few nites and it goes on for an hour... i finally gave up and brought her in bed with me till she head butted my face then it was back to her bed! then of course she was up before 7am!! ugh

so then my sister texts me she needs me to bring her her backpack to school with pads... awesome cause its raining so i so want to leave and go do this... so we get back and the hubbys said i will be on at 10am (my time) to skype.. woohoo i waited an hour before he got on!! just so you know the waiting kills ya!! and watching the phone and skype does not make him call faster or help when u have to pee!!

so we were chatting and then the internet on his end went out, this was after about 10 mins of trying to get the headphones to work which didnt so it was just typing and seeing each other... which worked fine honestly!! so we were talking only about 10 minutes when it went out and he never came back on :( never got to tell him i love him, miss him be safe adn no voluntarying... yes he knows all of this but i am superstitious and it is something i have to say along with talk to later (never goodbye)... i may be a dork but i am his dork and he loves me for it!

so now i am waiting almost 3 hours later and he must have gave up and went to bed :( guess he needs the rest

my friend who i love dearly just texted me she is having a girl... i am very happy for her but sad at the same time.. if i didnt lose the baby in a few weeks i would be texting everyone too! but instead i sit alone with my secret only a few close friends know and try not to cry... then of course after i read her text i realize r&r is when i would be due :( but of course i wont be... so maybe we will get pregnant during r&r obviously if i do i wont be posting it... it will be a secret till 20 weeks on blog, page, ect i have!

ugh lets hope today gets better suppose to go out with friends tonite and have a few drinks but we will see... i will go but i am kinda sad and feel guilty i always tell the hubby and he doesnt know yet :( i know he wont care i am just a dork like that

well fingers crossed today gets better

stay safe babe i love you so much!

spoiled

i wish!! lol

so the past few times the hubby and i talked its been like a few days in a row and then only like 3 days off which is ok but atleast he is finally working on the communication!! tuesday i missed his skype cause i was at the doctors :( i am fine just had to redue my fun exam (ladies u know what i am talking and sorry if that is tmi-but its my blog)... but we were able to email back and forth for a bit! the day before that he had called to let me know he was ok and it was wicked late for him but he wanted me to know he was safe :) that felt so good to hear! but then of course my mind starting wondering if something happened! so we skyped again yesterday and i loved seeing his face and smile :) and so did our monkey she kept giving him kisses!! <3 then i realized the camara was boobs and face and the hubs thought he was funny and pretended to be grabbing them, atleast i know he is still attracted to me :) so today he is suppose to just call sucks seeing his face is always better but that just means i dont have to wait by the computer i can get shit done and just carry my phone around! yes i have skype on my phone but the calling i dont think works since its only 3g but i can type so if i have to do something we can always type back and forth!

so excited i found a jogging stroller that the person is selling for $80! it looks like its in great condition and if i am correct its usually like a $300 stroller!! she said she only used it a few times so if the hubby is cool with it i am getting it today!! then on to getting healthy! i plan to start taking b12 and drinking ensure to give me better energy which lately i so need!! i also plan to start taking prenatal pills to help with getting healthier and maybe even help my hair and nails grow some more... i do need to get a hair TRIM yes trim not a cut!! i love my long hair i am just not meant to have short hair (in my opinion)...

anyways its suppose to be an extrmemly hot day 90+ ugh which even living in hawaii there wasnt humidity like here is mass so hopefully i dont die!! monkey has a new pool since my brother and sister's dogs ate her first one... so hopefully today will be fun

cant wait for my call from the hubs!!