strong

its a word that everyone says about being an army spouse... its a word my family and friends say i am but honestly if they really knew...

i dont mean just my army friends or my civilian friends say about me random people...

i am far from strong i just survive, i just go day by day... i honestly struggle silently but struggle... my heart breaks, my anxiety increases, my depression is thru the roof... the only time thing that keeps me alive is my daughter but there are some days i can barely get out of bed :( i just want to curl up and just cry all day but i cant.. i love my daughter more then anything adn my husband, even though i wonder if he really loves me... i think about cutting more then ever especially during a deployment because that is when i feel the most alone...

i know there are other wives going thru the deployment with me but i just feel so alone i guess trusting people is so hard and as i get older and met more people trusting is so hard since the last few people i have met have been so horrible and fake! i honestly cant open up anymore and be come more closed off and probably even worse to be around... there are days i just want to cut and not be around

but this is almost over and even better we are leaving hawai!! so ready to have the orders and be done!

just trying to get thru the day and ignore people who say i am strong when i know i am far from that... i am just surviving or atleast attempting to survive