yup today is my 30 birthday and the hubby is deployed! suprise suprise... he called but has to do his job so it sucks cause instead of a fun happy birthday its one where all i wanna do is cry...
no many friends/family remembered even with facebook telling you but i guess that shows i am unimportant and always have been... just trying to get thru the rest of today and tonite without crying which so far hasnt been the easiest... cried while skyping with the hubby... i wish i could tell him how depressed i am and that every day i think about smashing my car into a tree :( i know i should see someone but i dont want to be put on meds just in case i do get pregnant during r&r... i love my daughter more then anything and i hope i am not making her antisocial... next year i am gonna put her in daycare so she can play with kids and i am not there... she does at the gym right now but a few times i have seen her play by herself next to kids (read that is normal for 2 but so stresses me out i am doing a bad job)...
beening going to the gym alot but i dont notice much difference, trainer says he does so lets hope he is right! i have realized if i do jumping jacks i will pee myself if i dont go the bathroom immediately! lol the price of having a baby i guess
well other then that nothing has been going on much... jsut preparing for r&r- vegas and a roadtrip to hubbys family... hopefully it goes well... well back to hanging with my monkey before work (you on my birthday)
this day can go faster i have no problems even just skipping it all together... even as a kid i wished i wasnt born you would think this feeling would go away but nope...
stay safe my love we are almost done
